November 12, 2011

An Attempt to Write . . . Something . . .

I like to write.  I want to write.  I don’t write.  These days I find inspiration to be as rare as a periodical not featuring Kim Kardashian though not quite as rare as a decent Presidential candidate. 

Life has wrapped her bony fingers around my neck, thumb securely placed in the hollow of my esophageal track, increasing pressure so slowly that my oxygen-deprived brain has atrophied unaware. 

And Spotify doesn’t seem to hold the answer . . .

Choosing each word is an effort; a sentence forms as painfully as a crowning newborn.  To write a long paragraph would be to endure a lifetime of grief.

Question: How do I find my inspiration again?  Do I need a muse? A therapist?  A young priest and an old priest?

My reverie interrupted by Love of Lesbian singing Los Colores De Una Sombra  . . . the colors of a shadow indeed . . . how fitting . . . Throw me another bone Spotify . . .

Kathleen Norris in her book The Cloister Walk discusses the designation of “despair” as an aspect of the sin of pride.  She states, “I find this designation enormously helpful.  Among other things it defeats my perfectionism, my tendency to give up when I can’t do things ‘just right’.  But if I accept the burden of my despair . . . then I also receive the tools to defeat it.  I have a hope that no modern therapeutic approach can give me.”

To piggyback onto Kathleen’s eloquent words, some days I realize the greatest sin I could commit would be to give up.  So I don’t . . .

Random thought: How do you tell a crazy man he is crazy?  Does he know he’s crazy?  If I were crazy would I know it?  Crazy has compared to what?  Some social norm I had no say in formulating?

Spotify once again saves the day with Cults singing You Know What I Mean:  “Tell me what’s wrong with my brain cuz I’ve seemed to have lost it.”

Took a break from writing to read an article written by mi amigo Louie located here.

Rediscovering thankfulness could be just the ticket . . . After all a wise VeggieTale video once instructed me, “A thankful heart is a happy heart” . . .

Let the quest for thankfulness begin as I take up the sword against the dragons of cynicism, doubt and hopelessness . . . Die you bitches . . .



8 comments:

Eugene said...

I'm having the same problem but not due to lack of inspiration, due to the heatwave currently going on. I just can't concentrate in this heat!

To top it all off blogger just lost the blog post I've been writing one paragraph at a time for the last 3 days! Now I just don't feel like writing anymore.

But you are a talented and entertaining writer and I'm very glad to see you haven't quit it. Would be a shame if you did! It's fun to read your writings even when you have nothing to say!

TimmyMac said...

Thanks Eugene . . . You are to kind . . .

digapigmy said...

That was a lot of writing for someone with nothing to write. I have trimmed down to status updates. I find the character restrictions freeing in a sense...

Eugene said...

I've been meaning to add - to answer your question (well one of them), I believe that the rule of thumb is that if you are questioning your sanity you are still sane since crazy people never think that they are crazy. I'm no shrink but that sounds about right...

Did you see this new blog post by Allie from Hyperbole and a Half? Seems she was blogging her way through deep despair as well! Seems like this sort of thing just happens to really talented bloggers. You are not alone!

TimmyMac said...

I haven't read it yet, but I will check it out. Thanks.

laura said...

very frustrating (is that spelled right?) when you write a nice long comment, then blogger decides since you weren't "signed in" to delete! Anyway, nicely written... short sum up of what I just wrote:)

TimmyMac said...

Thanks Laura! And you too Brintus . . .

Noel said...

I LOVE THIS! Start to finish, just love it! Good play on words and Damn that Spotify!! You just can't count on it when you really need it.
I think you are on to something with that gratitude thingy and I also hope you get more time on your hands to write away!